Welcome to another issue of Brave New World. In this issue we’ve decided to explore a few areas that often come up during coaching programs with our clients, no matter what their occupation or position: Confidence, self esteem and receiving feedback.

No matter how confident you are, strategies to regain your confidence and self esteem whenever they’re knocked are very useful. A set back in one area of our lives can often impact our confidence levels in other areas so keeping your confidence in check and recognising when it’s a bit low is the first step in regaining it.

I hope you enjoy our tips on receiving feedback well… and in the spirit of growing ourselves, we’d love your feedback on Brave New World. All comments are very welcome!

Best of life,

 

 

 

By Belinda Cordina

Feedback is one of the most wonderful gifts that our colleagues, friends and family can give to us. Feedback is also one of the things that clients dread receiving most when they are completing a Leadership Coaching program with us, yet it often turns out to be one of the most powerful sessions of all.

Receiving feedback is an incredible experience to grow. Whether it is delivered formally or informally, feedback highlights to us the areas that we can choose to focus on in order to improve our effectiveness. Feedback often identifies key areas that we can grow in. We may or may not be aware of these areas, prior to receiving feedback. The opportunity for you when you receive feedback is to respond positively by working to improve in the areas that are highlighted. When we respond to feedback in this way, we indicate to those around us that we’ve listened to them.

Receiving and responding well to feedback is a key strategy used to build our ability as a leader. Great leaders have very few blind spots and when we work on improving our self awareness through self and peer feedback, we are likely to better understand our impact on others. I’m surprised time and time again by the number of clients who are not aware of the enormous impact they have on the people around them – both positive and negative impact. It’s a leader’s ability to energise and mobilise their team that makes them effective. All the vision and direction in the world is useless if you’re unable to influence, excite and inspire others into action. Really listening to feedback on how you affect others will help you to refine your ability to do this.

Inviting and responding positively to feed back also sets a great example. As a leader or colleague you’ll no doubt want others to change their behaviour from time to time and it’s easier to encourage this if we ourselves are practising what we preach.

Ready to receive some more feedback yet? Here are 3 simple tips to get very good at it!

1. Assume positive intention – Regardless of circumstances, assume that the person giving you the feedback is doing so with the best intentions. Listen to their feedback and do your best to suspend judgement and emotion until you’ve had time to digest and understand.
2. Be approachable – Remember that giving feedback is often just as hard as receiving it, often causing quite a bit of angst for the person delivering! Make it as easy and comfortable as possible for them.
3. Listen and clarify – Avoid becoming defensive or interrupting when someone is giving you feedback. If you’re confused or disagree, ask for further clarification and examples. Accept what the other person has to say. If you really disagree, seek further clarification from others to ensure the feedback is warranted.
   

Most importantly, say thank you! Review the feedback you’ve received when you’re on your own and have time to consider and think objectively about what you’ve learnt about yourself.

“Tis the set of the sail that decides the goal and not the storm of life ”
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Organisations today require more of their leaders. How leaders harness their skills and knowledge to influence, inspire and decide will shape their success and that of their business.  

Brave Leadership Coaching helps to unlock the potential of your emerging and existing leaders and build their capability and confidence. Our coaching program and experienced coaching team provide a framework to achieve real behavioural change and results that impact your business.

Book in an Exploration Session with a Brave Coach today and uncover what untapped potential exists within you or your team. Call us on (02) 9360-6032

By Pam Lidford

In my experience, one of the main things that holds people back from having confidence in life, be it at work, play, is lack of self-awareness. By this I mean the mind chatter that goes on in the form of self talk and thoughts that 'run' daily thinking. We have around 50- 80,000 thoughts a day and according to a number of 'specialists' up to 75% of those thoughts may be negative, limiting or disempowering in some shape or form. This mind talk needs to be challenged and questioned each and every time it stops us from taking the actions we want to.

Many clients I work with don't know how to challenge their thinking and are operating from the place of 'a small child' who is living in an adult's body. By that I mean they are daily repeating affirmations and mantras, through their self-talk, that were given to them as part of their conditioning during their younger years and they are allowing negative self-talk, fears and in-action to create their future.

As a confidence coach and trainer I assist clients in identifying the 'stories' they are telling themselves and then support them in challenging such stories by questioning the reality and 'sell by date' of each one. Some 'stories' that affect confidence are; 'mind-reading' what the boss or a colleague is thinking about them or their actions, wondering and worrying about how they will be judged by others and regularly running disaster scenarios in their heads…and that's just for starters.

Here are some tips for regaining confidence.

1. Find someone who you trust and know well and ask them to tell you at least five things they love about you. Get them to write them down and then speak them to you. You are only able to say thank you! Review these each day.
2. Identify your strengths in two areas of your current life that are important to you. Come up with at least 10 things in both areas that you are pleased about or recognise you do well. Pin them up somewhere that you can see them and congratulate yourself on a regular basis (at least twice a day).
3. Start challenging your negative beliefs about yourself. Really listen to what you say at least five times a day. Notice what you say and then ask yourself a powerful question, “what would I like to say from now on instead of this?” Practise this daily, it is simple and really effective.
4. Watch your physiology. Who do you know who is confident? Picture them for a moment. How do they look? How do they stand? How do they walk? As you think about them now, take on their physiology and notice how much better it feels.
5. Write and take action on a confidence goal. Get clear about what you want rather than what you don't want. Be specific, give it a timeframe, check you believe it is possible, ask yourself how much you want it, if it isn't 10/10 chances are you won't work towards it. Then explore the actions you will take to achieve it.
6. Write some positive and powerful affirmations about yourself and what you want, then take them one or two at a time and for around 14 days, look in a mirror (everyday at least 10 times) and say them to yourself until you are able to look yourself in the eyes and start to believe them.
7. Try something new that you will enjoy that is just outside of your comfort zone. Practise it until you are comfortable with it.
8. Check out how satisfied you are with your life. Deepak Chopra says there are only two questions that you need to ask yourself in order to check if you are in a good place: on a scale of 1-10 (10 being wonderful) how happy are you and do you love your job? If you aren't scoring 10 then it may be time to take a reality check.
   1. Notice what you do well each day, keep a 'reward' journal. Before you go to sleep each night, scan the day in your mind and write down all the great and tiny things you achieved.
9. Visualise success and confidence. Remember the role model above? Notice what it is about them that you admire. Imagine yourself stepping into their body, feeling like them, seeing through their eyes. What would they say to themselves on a regular basis? Do this twice a day for 14 days and be amazed at the difference it can make.

Finally, consider getting a coach to support you with your changes. Changes are much easier with your coach by your side.

Pam Lidford has trained, coached, mentored and developed over five thousand people in various private and public sectors, through the delivery of 1-1 personal and executive coaching, team coaching, management and group training. Pam uses her background, expertise and experience in coaching, DISC profiling, Thought Field Therapy and neuro-linguistic programming to bring about practical and lasting change for her clients and their companies. Find out more about Pam at : Pam Lidford Coaching.

By Masha Young

Frequently we hear people comment that they or someone else may be “suffering from low self esteem” so what exactly does this mean? How can we identify low or high self esteem and go about increasing it in ourselves and others?

Self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself, the value you place on yourself regarding, your strengths and weaknesses, your social status and how you relate to others, your place in the world, your independence and or ability to stand on your feet, your achievements, your purpose and how you think others see you.

Your level of self esteem is based upon your unique experiences and the personal relationships that have made up your life. While positive and fulfilling relationships help to increase your self esteem, negative experiences and troubled relationships tend to lower it. Experiences within your family, at school, or in your society all influence your levels of self esteem.

What is high self esteem?

High self esteem means that you appreciate your own worth and importance. You do not get devastated by criticism, you are able to learn from your own mistakes, you feel that you are in control of your life and decisions, you are not easily defeated by setbacks and obstacles and are able to get close to people without fear of rejection, you can be confident without being obnoxious or conceited. You are not overly defensive when questioned and don’t feel the need to put others down. You can communicate your needs openly and assertively. You don’t worry about failing or looking foolish. You do not criticise yourself harshly or destructively instead you manage to use the information constructively and learn for next time. You are not aggressively driven to prove yourself. You have the ability to not take yourself too seriously and you know how to laugh at yourself.

High self esteem can lead to a sense of control over your life, helps you feel satisfied in your relationships, allows you to set realistic expectations for yourself, and enables you to pursue your own goals.

What is low self esteem?

If you suffer from low self esteem you may be easily hurt by criticism, try to hide your feelings from others, be shy or overly aggressive. You may fear close relationships because you fear rejection, you may have a tendency to blame yourself, you may feel inadequate as though you are underachieving, avoid new situations and feel as though you are not as good as others, constantly compare yourself, unable to recognise your own good qualities and feel you don’t have much to offer. You may try to please others and have trouble saying no. When you do experience success you may attribute it to luck and you may have a tendency to go over social interactions in your mind worrying that you may have said something wrong. You may fear failure and not feel in control of your life or the situations you find yourself in, feeling more like a victim than an instigator. You feel like an outsider and feel lonely even when others are around.

Low self esteem can lead to a distorted view of yourself and others, a lack of self-confidence, poor performance, and unhappiness.

How can you increase your self esteem?

You can increase your self esteem by spending time with people who love you and care about you and by staying away from people who put you down or treat you badly. Do things that you enjoy or that make you feel good. Do things you are good at, reward yourself for your successes. Develop your talents. Be your own best friend, treat yourself with respect. Make good choices for yourself, and don't let others make your choices for you. Take responsibility for yourself, your choices, and your actions. Respect other people and treat them the way you would like to be treated. Always do what you believe is right. Be true to yourself and your values

Masha Young is a Senior Leadership Coach at Brave Coaching and Consulting. Read more about Masha here.